Chemotherapy

We were all nervous about the start of the Chemotherapy. Was it going to work? Was it going to make Dad really poorly? I can’t even begin to think how dad was really feeling about it. He tried not to show his emotions but I know deep down he was worried.

The day of his first chemotherapy arrived. I wasn’t allowed to sit with him throughout his chemotherapy session because I had my 6 month baby daughter Charli with me and she wasn’t allowed anywhere near the unit. I remember going to see my work colleagues and spending about 3 hours there because I did not want to leave the hospital building. My mum was sat with him and rang me when they were finished and I then drove them home. The first week after his chemotherapy was the worst. He felt nauseous constantly. He felt exhausted. A week after his chemotherapy session, I popped into see how he was. I remember that day so clearly. I took one step into the living room and took one look at him sat in his armchair and I welled up and just wanted to cry. I tried to remain strong to talk to him to ask how he felt before walking straight back out of the room to dry my tears away in the kitchen. He looked so dreadful. He had no energy to get out of that chair. He could barely open his eyes. He was so pale, weak and gaunt. I was so worried about him. I couldn’t stay with him. I couldn’t bear to see him like that. It broke my heart. I wanted to stay strong for him and there was no way I could see him like that and stay strong. I couldn’t even imagine how difficult it must have been for my mum seeing him like that all day every day. It was so heart breaking. I went home that day and was constantly messaging dad and mum to check up on him. I went back to see him the day after and he seemed slightly better. For the next week, each day then showed a slight improvement.

It was then time to go back to see the oncologist.

The oncologist wanted to check dad was doing ok on the chemotherapy and to decide whether he could continue with more chemotherapy or not. I was so worried that his oncologist would turn around and say no more chemotherapy but that proved not to be the case. Dad was allowed to continue with chemotherapy. We were all so relieved and happy. I was also worried at the same time. I couldn’t bear to see dad the way he was that day. The thought of him being like that terrified me. However, we knew that he had got through the first round of chemotherapy, so he could do it again! The second round of chemotherapy had similar effects as the first, but maybe not quite as bad. He still felt very nauseous for the first week after this chemo session, but maybe not quite as bad as the first time. He had been given different anti-emetics so maybe that helped slightly? He didn’t seem quite as tired, and he certainly looked brighter. He didn’t have another day like that dreadful day. Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t look like he could run a marathon, but he seemed slightly better after the second round of chemo. Again, after the first week had passed after his chemo, he seemed to improve again and seemed to get more energy as the nausea subsided. He now had his appetite back and was starting to put weight back on.

He had to go to see the consultant again just before his third chemo session. This time, he went for an x-ray prior to seeing the oncologist. The oncologist had the results of the x-ray by the time we saw him. He was very pleased with the x-ray results and with how dad was doing. The x-ray looked very hopeful, and looked like his cancer was shrinking. At last, some fantastic news! More fantastic news followed. The oncologist said he was happy to increase the amount of chemo dad could have. I think he increased it from 70% of the normal dose up to 80%. From our point of view, this meant that there could be a greater chance of shrinking the cancer further. We were so happy after this appointment!

The third chemo session went well, and the effects afterwards were not as bad again. The fourth and final session 3 weeks later also went well. Dad was now feeling so much better. His pain had virtually disappeared (he was still on a high dose of slow release morphine but he wanted to reduce this the next time he went to see the oncologist). Dad was now able to walk further and further distances again and he even walked around our local park. I cannot begin to tell you how it felt to be able to take him out, and enjoy walking around the park again, and seeing him looking so healthy again. It was like a miracle. He was no where near to his health prior to all this commencing, but this was just such a relief.

He had a CT scan a couple of weeks after his last chemo session. Then we got the results of this 2-3 weeks later. That day was the best day! The results could not have been better! The CT had shown such a massive reduction in the size of his cancer. Dad did not need any further follow up appointments or scans for another 3 months unless he got any further symptoms in the meantime. We walked away from that appointment so happy! We were so relieved the chemotherapy had worked! We were so happy that we could go away and try to enjoy our time together; to go out and have some quality of life. The way dad had responded to the chemo was just amazing!! It certainly hadn’t been an easy ride for dad undergoing the chemo, but it certainly was worth it, especially when the oncologists had given such low statistics of the probability of the chemo working in dad’s case. We were so relieved that dad had been so determined to give anything a go! We were looking forward to what the coming months would bring now that dad was doing so well.